


The Evil That Men Do

by depraved_trash



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempted Abortion, Body Horror, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Redemption, Restraints, Suicide Attempt, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-31 03:52:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 12,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3963373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/depraved_trash/pseuds/depraved_trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot wakes in a strange place, only to find she's in more trouble than she thought. Written post-Joy Ride. Terrible things happen and nobody lives happily ever after. Read this at your own discretion.</p><p>Officially Canon Divergent as of Stevenbomb 2.0.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Those emblematic flames

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: In subsequent chapters, this fic will contain graphic descriptions of sexual assault. Please do not read this if you believe it might be distressing to you. If you're affected by any of the issues mentioned in this story, I would urge you to contact RAINN, or the equivalent service for your area.
> 
> Also I feel like this fic is a little uncharitable toward Ronaldo, so if you like him as a character, you may wish to pass this one by.

It all happens too fast, even for her.

The escape pod shoots toward the earth, but in the precious few seconds it takes for Amethyst's whip to dematerialize from around Peridot's body, the inertial compensation system fries half its own circuitry and promptly stops working. Her head lashes backwards before the pod has a chance to fill with protective gel, slamming the back of her skull against the inside of the pod. Pain rings through her like a struck bell.

She can feel the heat rising outside as she enters the earth's atmosphere, plummeting downwards in a veil of fire, and tiny cracks start to appear in the inner casing as the hull protests against the strain. This planet is too dense, its atmosphere too thick, for the default settings of this tiny vessel, and Peridot has had no opportunity to compensate for them. Desperately, she pulls up the helm controls, trying to steer toward the original landing site for the Emerald Hand, but by now there's not enough time to decelerate before impact and the protective gel doesn't seem to be rising past her ankles and she's bracing herself for a collision that could very well kill her.

Land looms up before her, far too quickly. Flashes of buildings, fields of vegetation, and then she is upside down and being flung. There is a deafening crash from outside and an audible crack from inside, and pain erupts in her ribs, her head, her elbow, her knees. The agony is blinding. She realises suddenly that she is close to discorporating, and that if the traitors find her gem lying in the pod, she will never wake up. Peridot slams the emergency door release with her one uninjured hand and drags herself into the field, crawling on shattered knees through the smoke and the debris until her body will take her no further.

Dying, she curls up amongst the stalks of grass and hopes it is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCkVmlSVmns


	2. Prisoner of the surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronaldo finds his very own alien. Peridot finds she's in deep crap.

Peridot has never regenerated before, but she understands what's happening—or as much as she can understand anything in her dreamlike state. Still, she cannot help but try to force herself awake. This timeless half-sleep is heavy and uncomfortable, like being weighed down by too many blankets. It feels like days, maybe weeks, before she can finally drag herself into consciousness again.

A flash of light, a strange sensation of outward growth, and then her feet descend to a gentle rest on the ground. Peridot looks around. She doesn't recognize where she is, but to her relief, she is alone.

The room is circular and sparsely furnished, and the light seeping in from the vast windows above tells Peridot it is early evening. She calls up her holographic screen to try and ascertain where on the planet she is, but predictably, there's no connection to the Emerald Hand any more.

Navigating is going to be difficult without the help of satellite surveillance, and she abruptly realises that she has no hope of getting anywhere unless she enlists the help of the native lifeforms. Ugh. Luckily, according to Homeworld records, humans are weak, short-lived and stupid, so they shouldn't present too much of a threat. Feeling confident, Peridot tries the door. Then kicks it. Then slams her shoulder against it.

Yep. It's locked.

She growls with frustration before taking a moment to reassess the situation. Peridot was built for intelligence, not strength; she'd just have to think her way out of this instead. Surely, with the proper tools, a rudimentary lock will be no obstacle. She finds some pins stuck into a board on the wall nearby, and is about to remove them when an image catches her eye. While she can't understand any of the human scratchings on the countless pieces of paper surrounding it, she definitely recognizes a picture of her pod when she sees it. Peridot snatches it up just as the door swings open behind her.

"Holy moly..."

She spins round. There is a human standing in the doorway. He's a little taller than her, with a heavy build and yellow hair, and his mouth is open in shock. The two regard each other in silence for a moment.

"You! Human!" Peridot rushes up shoves the picture in his face. "This is mine! Can you tell me where it is?"

"Uhh..." The human's speech is slow, and Peridot briefly wonders if she will need to repeat herself. But after a second, a strange expression crosses his face, and he nods. "Sure. It's in the basement. Hang on a sec."

He turns and scampers down the stairs. Peridot follows him, still clutching the picture. Well, that was easier than she thought it would be. "I'm Ronaldo, by the way," he calls from somewhere below her. Peridot doesn't bother to answer. There's a light clanking, and the sound of something being dragged, and then the stairway veers round to reveal a door open at the end of the hall. The gem peers inside, trying to see into the darkness.

"Ronaldo? Is this the basement?" calls Peridot impatiently.

Ronaldo's voice echoes from behind her. "S-sure it is. Just, ah, flick the light switch on as you go in. It's on the right hand side of the door."

Peridot reaches over, but feels nothing. She's about to call out to the Ronaldo again when something hits the back of her head, sending her sprawling into the darkness. A horrible realization washes over her, but before she has time to react, she feels a heavy weight on her back, and something cold and metallic surrounds her body from behind.

Despite her desperate struggles, she cannot throw him off, and in a last-ditch attempt at defending herself, she sends her detached fingers flying toward where she estimates Ronaldo's face to be, but he simply bats them across the room, where they skitter out of usable range. She feels her arms pulled taut above her head and secured together, and then the weight above her shifts and the chain is wrapped around her legs while her head is pinned against the ground by the man's foot.

His bulk suddenly lifts off her, and reflexively, Peridot tries to move away from him, but Ronaldo has her by the wrists. He drags her deeper into the dark, and then, with obvious effort, lifts her struggling body onto a soft raised surface. She feels her wrists being secured to something, and tries to jerk away violently, putting up so much of a fight that Ronaldo has to pin her down bodily again in order to secure her ankles. He sustains a kick or two when he frees her legs, but eventually manages to chain them down once more, both shackled to separate corners of the bed for no good reason that Peridot can think of. One more chain encircles her body, pinning her down by the waist. Then, breathing hard, he slides off her and slumps down on the floor next to her.

“You walked... right into my trap...” he pants. “Next stop... interrogation.”

Gripped by fear, Peridot says nothing. Why did she not consider that this human may be working with the Crystal Gems? She curses herself for her stupidity, and gingerly tests the strength of the chains attached to her ankles and wrists. They're holding fast, but given time, she may be able to wear them down...

Suddenly, Ronaldo stands up. “I'll be right back. Don't go away!” he says, with chilling buoyancy. Then his footsteps recede, and he shuts the door behind him, and Peridot is left alone in the dark.


	3. The trapper and the fox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronaldo begins the interrogation.

There is silence.

Peridot realizes she's breathing hard—a leftover panic response from back when Gems actually needed air to live. She struggles to control her gasping, aware that responding emotionally to the situation will only impair her ability to escape from it.

Time to take stock. She's a prisoner. The human (the Ronaldo?) is going to interrogate her. He knows where her escape pod is, but she doesn't. And he's stronger—and smarter—than she thought.

So.

Priority one: Get out of these restraints.  
Priority two: Get the human to tell her where her pod is.  
Priority three: Return to the pod and re-evaluate situation.

Peridot tries to recall her scattered fingers to help her with priority one, but they're still out of range, so she settles for pulling the chains in various directions instead, testing their tensile strength and listening for clues that they might be loosening. Her range of motion is severely limited, and she shifts around to see if there's any way to increase it. No luck.

She hears her captor approaching again, and instinctively tenses up. How much, she wonders, does he know about Gem physiology? Is it possible that he might be able to do her some real damage?

The door swings open. Ronaldo is holding some kind of portable light source, plus a bag of assorted tools and what looks like some kind of primitive recording device.

“What do you want from me?” snaps Peridot, as he moves across the room to set something up. But Ronaldo just ignores her.

“Don't think I'll be live-streaming this one,” he mutters. She has no idea what he means by that. Then he turns. That curious expression is on his face again.

“So. The Great Diamond Authority finally sends one of their lackeys to eliminate me. Too bad I was already lying in wait,” he smirks. Peridot blinks at him. That was... surprisingly accurate, actually, aside from the part about eliminating Ronaldo (although it was quickly becoming a part of her personal plans).

“I'm not here for you,” she scowls. “Let me go.”

“But we're only just getting started.” Ronaldo pulls something out of his bag and spins it around in his fingers—something small and metallic, with sharp edges. Peridot shrinks back instinctively as he advances on her. “You're going to tell me everything you know. Starting with your name.”

“This is pointless! You'll get nothing from me!” spits Peridot. Bizarrely, the human starts to unbutton his shirt.

“Oh, I think you'll find I can be quite... persuasive,” he says, climbing onto the bed between her parted legs.

The blades descend. She pulls back further, bracing herself for pain, but to her surprise, Ronaldo cuts only her clothing, baring her chest and loins to the warm air. The sight seems to have a weird effect on him—Peridot notices that his face has darkened in colour, and she wonders if this is some kind of human predatory behaviour.

Then she spares a thought for her own biology, and does a mental double-take. While sex is strictly forbidden on the Homeworld, she's aware that all Gems have vestigial reproductive organs which can be put to... interesting uses. Does he think he's going to pleasure her until she talks? Peridot almost laughs out loud.

“This isn't going to work,” she says. Ronaldo ignores her. He slips off his shirt and vest, and then starts to unbuckle his belt, breath deepening. Peridot yanks at her chains in the vain hope she can somehow free a hand to strike him while he's distracted, but they still won't give. As her captor pulls down his pants, she notices that his sexual organs are very different from her own, and her confusion only grows. But there's an undercurrent of fear in her chest that she does not entirely understand.

“What are you doing?” she croaks, as he lowers himself on top of her. The feel of his body against hers feels invasive and wrong, and the moisture on his skin disgusts her. Peridot feels her panic rising. “Get off me! Get off!”

“Oh, we're just getting started,” breathes Ronaldo. He fumbles between them, and Peridot feels an unfamiliar sensation between her legs which quickly turns into pain. Something starts to push inside her, excruciatingly hard and slow. She feels sick.

“Get off!” she repeats, through gritted teeth, feeling all the while as if she's on the brink of a scream. Is this how humans perform torture? It feels like he's cutting her in half, like he's pulling her apart from the inside. He rests momentarily on top of her, and his breath falls on her throat, cloying and moist.

“Fuck, you're tight,” he whispers, and Peridot still doesn't understand, and in her fear and confusion and shame, tears start to gather in her eyes. His heavy form overshadows hers. She starts to feel like she'll never get out of this room, pinned beneath this man in the darkness, his hips against hers, pain blossoming between them.

Then he moves, and what she took for agony before pales into insignificance beside what he's doing to her now. Peridot can't help it—she screams, and tears free themselves to spill down her cheeks. “Stop, please stop!” she cries out. “I'll tell you anything!”

“In time, my love,” he replies against her cheek, and withdraws. For one hopeful second, Peridot thinks it's over. Then he slams himself inside her again, and the chains around her rattle as her body spasms with pain and helplessness and fear. She pleads again for him to stop, hating herself for how quickly she's given in, but he only quickens his thrusts, grabbing her hips for leverage as he pierces her again and again.

His breathing becomes ragged. Peridot turns her face away from his in shame and disgust. Suddenly, he crushes his body against hers, holding himself inside for a second, and she feels something seep out onto her thighs. Then he collapses atop her, and the pain begins to recede into mere soreness.

Peridot realizes she's still talking. “Please, please, I'm sorry, please stop, please stop,” she says, and a stifled sob escapes her. She still doesn't understand what he's done, but whatever it was, it seems to have stripped her of her dignity in its entirety, reducing her to pathetic pleas at the hands of this human weakling.

Tears of frustrated anger cloud her vision, and when Ronaldo presses his lips against hers, she can barely muster up the energy to flinch. To her disgust, he strokes her cheek when he breaks away.

“That wasn't so bad, was it?” he says, and she has no idea whether or not he means it. “I'm sure you'll come to cooperate with me, in time. Perhaps we can even... bridge an understanding between our cultures.”

“Get off me,” she spits. Ronaldo pulls back, his expression inscrutable in the shadows. He stands up and picks up his clothing, leaving her still exposed and chained to the bed as he dresses himself. He doesn't say anything else, only pausing to pick up the recording device and the light source before he leaves. And the door closes once again, leaving the gem alone with her rage.


	4. That parasitic fire

As the minutes turn into hours, and the pain of her torture turns into a dull ache, she feels the anger inside her solidify into a cold and calculating hatred. No longer was this simply another assignment for her. Now, for reasons she still can't understand, it has all become horribly personal.

She is going to _ruin_ this fucking planet.

No living thing would be left on this forsaken rock once she and her people were finished with it. They would tear the very essence of life from the heart of it and scatter it across the galaxy in a frenzy of war; they would rend its mountains and its forests into dust, fill its oceans with the dark mist of death, smear its inhabitants from existence like the clinging filth they were, and when they were done there would be no being left in the galaxy who could utter the name of this tainted place, and all its stories and names and deeds would be wiped from history as cleanly as in the swipe of a blade...

Her enraged screaming echoes long into the night, and she hopes with every burning molecule of hatred in her body that he will hear her battle cry and tremble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MO6grIgW0M


	5. We can still destroy

Some time later - Peridot doesn't know exactly how long, but the cycles of this miserable world are meaningless to her anyway - he returns, the door creaking open tentatively with his approach.

"I hope you've had some time to think about your situation," he says.

 _Oh, plenty of time,_ she thinks. _In fact, I have some ideas that could triple the harvesting efficiency of the Kindergartens on this planet and your continent will be the perfect location to test them._

But Peridot knows better than to say what's on her mind now, although she has a creeping suspicion that this human will get it out of her eventually. It's clear now that the Crystal Gems have enlisted him to do their dirty work for them. Ronaldo's specific choice of method may have been new to her, but her race are no strangers to torture and interrogation. What the Homeworld authorities can do to a Gem is... unpleasant to think about.

_Everybody talks, in the end._

Peridot tries to push the thought out of her mind. She doesn't need it now, not on top of everything else. Her only hope is that this human is incompetent enough to crack her gem before she gives away anything important.

Ronaldo seems to pause at her silence, as if expecting a reply, but when Peridot stays silent, he resumes his tentative approach. She notices that there is something in his hand - a damp cloth.

"I thought you might appreciate some help cleaning up," he says. The odd gentleness in his voice makes Peridot recoil. The behaviour of this human is becoming more incomprehensible to her by the moment. Besides, she already took care of all that. As Ronaldo kneels carefully on the side of the bed and runs the cloth over her exposed body, she watches his confusion.

"Uh... how did you..."

 _I adjusted the resonant frequency of my projected form to repel the layer of organic matter you left, you dumb shit,_ she thinks. Humans really were pretty stupid, apparently.

 _Not so stupid they couldn't trap you, though,_ another inner voice reminds her. Peridot grits her teeth.

The human clears his throat, awkwardly. "You know, it doesn't have to be this way. I'm only doing what humanity needs me to do."

He abandons the cloth and traces his hand over her torso, cupping one small vestigial breast. Disgust and anger flare up within her again. If only she'd prepared for this eventuality... all her defense mechanisms were useless against organic beings, and the resonance trick would only work if her attacker was less than a millimetre thick.

She really, really needed to stop underestimating these people.

(She'd make sure her plans for this planet took that into account.)

Abruptly, Ronaldo brings his face to hers, stroking her hair. "If only you would work _with_ us. I'm sure, deep down, there's a good person - uh - a good alien inside you. Won't you at least tell me your name?"

Suddenly his lips fall against hers. It is the perfect opportunity.

The human screams and pulls himself away from her, blood spurting from his mouth. The Gem spits a lump of flesh out of hers.

"My name is Peridot," she snarls. "And when I get out of here, I am going to exterminate every living thing on this miserable infected lump of rock, and you will be _first in line_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbeHq1CLqJ8


	6. Hour after hour

He tears himself away, screaming, and Peridot find herself laughing triumphantly, although she realizes quickly that this might be her only opportunity to escape. As Ronaldo staggers out of the room, whimpering, she enlists all her remaining strength into straining against the chains again, and, when that doesn't work, attempts to use the weight of her body to jerk the bed in the direction of her discarded fingers. If she could only get within range of them... but the bed is bolted to the wall, and she exhausts herself before she can loosen anything.

Peridot's mind rages against her helplessness. This is her chance. There _must_ be another way.

Her gaze falls to her detachable feet, useless in their makeshift shackles. Each has an emergency release, but it's impossible to activate without her fingers. That's the sticking-point, unless...

With considerable effort, Peridot twists her feet outward, then inward, trying to find a position in which she can detach one foot by using the toe of the other. It doesn't work, but as she moves them back, she notices a spark jump from the friction between her feet and the chain. If the mattress is flammable, maybe there might be something beneath it that could help her. It's worth a try, and anyway, fire isn't a problem for her technologically-enhanced gem body.

The mattress beneath her ankle has just begun to smoulder when Ronaldo returns.

He's changed his clothing, and his lip--Peridot blinks at it uncomprehendingly. She's fairly sure there was nothing in her brief about humans being able to regenerate that quickly, but it's as if he has never been bitten, although the anger in his eyes tells her she wasn't imagining it. He swears and douses the patch of burning material with some liquid from the container in one hand, and then she notices what's in his other. Peridot identifies it as a rudimentary blunt weapon moments before it hits her in the stomach. The force makes her choke with pain.

"Bitch!" the human screams, drawing back his club for a second strike. "You're just like all the others!"

Another blow, this time to her chest. Peridot thinks of her gem, tries to work out whether the human is exerting enough force to crack it, but she can't organize her thoughts, and suddenly she's screaming out for him to stop, please, she'll tell him everything, she'll do anything he wants...

"Anything?" he says, breathless with anger and exertion. The question makes Peridot want to cry, but she nods. _So this is where I break,_ she thinks.

Ronaldo drops the weapon to the ground. His eyes rove over her exposed body. After a moment, his hands move to the zipper of his jeans.

"You don't struggle," he says. "You do what I say. Okay?"

"Yes," she says quietly, as he kneels down on the mattress again, forcing her legs apart a little more with his own.

His breathing is deep. She grits her teeth, tries not to whimper. His breath falls hot and stale on her face. As he enters her, he lets out a groan, as if he is the one in pain.

The second time hurts more. Peridot does not expect that. She had assumed that one might get used to torture, although in retrospect the thought doesn't make sense. Why do it, if it loses its effectiveness over time?

These thoughts come later, in the haze of despair, after she has told him everything.


	7. Storm-clouds

Three days ago

"Pearl?"

It's getting late, and the summer sky hangs low, threatening a storm. Pearl turns on the light. "What is it, Steven?"

He's on the window seat downstairs, kicking his legs pensively. "I think the lighthouse might be haunted again."

"Don't be silly." Pearl picks an old T-shirt up from the floor and drops it onto the pile over her arm. "We checked the whole place for corrupted gems before Ronaldo moved back in."

"I heard screaming,"

Outside, the storm begins to pick up. Pearl comes down and ruffles his hair.

"It's just the wind."

 

Two and a half days ago.

The air is fresh and warm. Steven flops back on the blanket, staring up at the lighthouse, while Amethyst loudly finishes off the packaging from their breakfast picnic. Connie notices his expression, and frowns.

"Still thinking about that noise from last night?" she says. Steven nods wordlessly. Connie's gaze follows his, and she peers up at the building through her lensless glasses, squinting against the early sunlight.

"We could always just knock on the door and ask," she suggests. "I'm pretty sure Ronaldo would notice if something else was living in there."

Amethyst smirks. "He'd probably try to interview it for his blog."

Steven picks himself up, but before he can respond, another long wail echoes down the hill, and the hair on the back of his neck prickles. Connie and Amethyst jump to their feet.

"That's definitely not the wind," he says, and takes off running. Ahead, Ronaldo comes staggering out of the door, screaming, his sleeve clutched to his face. There's blood over the front of his shirt.

"Ronaldo! Are you okay? Did the ghost get you?"

The young man shakes his head, as hurriedly as he can manage. "Fell downstairs. Cut my lip," he manages to approximate. Connie pulls out her phone.

"I'll call mom," she says. Steven shakes his head, and rolls up his sleeves.

"No need," he says, and spits in his hand. "OK, Ronaldo, you're going to have to trust me here..."

 

Two days ago

Pearl catches him kicking his legs on the window seat again. "Still thinking about ghosts?" she asks, although neither of them could see the lighthouse from there.

"Ronaldo's acting really weird," Steven replies. "I healed his face yesterday and he didn't even say thank you. Just told us he had important business to take care of and ran back inside."

"Well, no doubt he's found some pointless human endeavour to amuse himself with," says Pearl airily. "Good to hear your healing powers are back, anyway."

"Mm." Steven looks down at his smartphone distractedly. There's a message from Ronaldo.

_IMPORTANT QUESTION: What do gems eat?_

 

Yesterday

"Steven?"

Ronaldo's voice sounds faint and tinny over the line, although the late hour doesn't exactly help. Steven rubs his eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Steven, this is urgent. How can you tell if a gem is sick?"

"Umm..." Steven thinks for a moment, thrown aback by the question. "When Amethyst cracked her gem, she started talking funny and her arms and legs started going all... like spaghetti. Is everything OK?"

"I'm just doing some research."

"Oh, okay. Hey, Garnet's in the kitchen, she'll probably know. Want me to get her for you?"

"Uh..." Ronaldo sounds uncertain, but Steven is already out of bed and handing over the phone.

"It's Ronaldo," he tells her. "He's doing research about gems."

Garnet looks at it, puts it to her ear for a second, and then hangs up.

"Time for bed," she says.

"Aww."

 

Today

_SpiritMorphNerd: Steven?_   
_SpiritMorphNerd: Have you seen Ronaldo's blog today?_   
_STEVEN9999999: No_   
_STEVEN9999999: y?_   
_SpiritMorphNerd: He's put up a post about Gem history. It's really detailed._   
_SpiritMorphNerd: And kind of disturbing._   
_SpiritMorphNerd: Is all this stuff true?_   
_STEVEN9999999: ....... IDK. Pearl amethyst and garnet never told me any of this stuff_   
_STEVEN9999999: Hang on Ill go ask them_   
_SpiritMorphNerd: Maybe he just made it up_   
_SpiritMorphNerd: Steven?_   
_SpiritMorphNerd: Are you there?_   
_SpiritMorphNerd: Hello????_


	8. Let it fall

Peridot doesn't know how long it's been.

Doesn't matter. She's not in pain. That's what counts.

The chains are a little looser now. It's her reward for doing what she's told. Occasionally she thinks about escaping, but she knows it's not a good idea so she tries not to think at all.

Besides, he took her fingers away. And he knows how to break her gem now, because she told him. (Pathetic.)

But he's not all that bad. He can be kind, when she's not misbehaving. She's learning how to please him, how to keep him calm. He tells her he loves her. Is this how humans express their love?

Best not to think too hard about it.

Something inside her still hates him, but she keeps it quiet. She's not sure where all the rage goes when it's not in her head.

At least she no longer misses home. She doesn't even think about it now. All that has been locked away with the outside world, and there is only pain and the avoidance of pain, and the long blank hours that come after surrender.

And just when it feels as if she's been like this forever, curled on her side in this dark room, the door opens, and once more there is light.


	9. Castaway

The air in the basement is close and foul, a mixture of human sweat and the strange ozone-like taint of wounded gem bodies. The latter threatens to take Pearl straight back to the war, but she steels herself, clutching her sword with a soldier's resolve.

"Ronaldo?" A familiar voice emanates from somewhere in the darkness, and for a moment, Pearl can't place it. Garnet, besides her, is quicker to react.

"Steven!" she yells. "Don't come in here! Get Greg!"

"What?"

"Get him _now_." Her voice is so forceful that even Pearl winces. Then Garnet summons a light and the dark figure on the bed is forced into bright relief. It's Peridot, and to Pearl's shock, she seems to be chained there. The homeworld Gem shrinks back instantly and covers her eyes.

"Please don't hurt me!" Her voice is hoarse and panicked. "I've told you everything I know!"

"We didn't ask anyone to hurt you," replies Garnet evenly. Finally catching up beside them, Amethyst whispers, "Holy crap."

"We didn't know you were here," clarifies Pearl, her voice wavering. "Garnet... what should we do?"

Garnet stays very still for a moment. Then she dismisses her gauntlets.

"Amethyst, wait outside for Greg. Don't let Steven in here. Pearl, get her out of those chains."

Pearl looks skeptical. "Are you sure?"

"She's not a threat right now."

Pearl steps forward uncertainly. She knew they were bound to encounter Peridot again at some point, but this situation is so different from anything she'd imagined. Peridot looks so tired and broken that it's impossible to view her with anything other than pity, and the bruises on her exposed body remind Pearl of some ugly truths about humanity that she'd rather forget. She begins to understand why Garnet needs Greg here.

Raising the sword to take care of Peridot's restraints, Pearl sees her flinch again, and something twinges inside her. "It's okay," she says. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Part of her is still expecting the homeworld Gem to spring an attack as soon as her arms and legs are free, but instead, Peridot simply puts her head in her hands and weeps.


	10. Against rocks in the morning light

"What can we do for her?"

The Fusion's voice is quiet and low. Peridot remembers being carried, and wanting to struggle, but for some reason her arms and legs feel so very far away. She is wrapped in something--maybe a blanket--and the sudden fear of being captured again makes her stifle a sob. Nobody comforts her.

"Honestly, I don't know." She doesn't recognise this voice. It doesn't sound like any gem she's ever heard. Human, maybe? "This isn't something I've ever had to deal with. But I think Steven's friend Sadie used to volunteer at a crisis centre. Uh, what are you going to tell Steven?"

"What do you think we should tell him?"

The human sighs. "My instincts say he's too young for the whole story. But we need to make sure Ronaldo doesn't hurt anyone else, and, well, it's going to be hard to keep the truth from him if the police get involved."

The Pearl cuts in. "We're not very good at dealing with the human authorities, and frankly, I don't see Peridot being too interested in talking to them either. Why don't you take care of the human side of things, Greg, and let us deal with her?"

"Right. I'll talk to Sadie. Maybe she'll have a better idea of how to talk to Steven about this. Geez, I'm so out of my depth right now it's unreal." Then, in slightly lower tones; "And isn't this one technically on, uh the other side?"

"We'll deal with that later," replies the Fusion, and Peridot is too tired to think about what that might mean.

For a while, it feels if she is floating, and she wonders if she is regenerating again. But soon the sound of water is lapping at the edges of her consciousness, and her body feels comfortable and warm for the first time in more than three days. Her eyes open to a vast, pale sky.

Belatedly she realises that she is half-submerged in water, lying in a shallow rock basin with her head propped up on the edge. Stone figures are seated around the basin at intervals; another statue, far larger, towers above her, from whose eyes the fountain seems to emerge. There is something calming about the setting which is wholly unfamiliar to Peridot. Nowhere on Homeworld is like this.

Peridot sits up. Something shifts in the corner of her vision, making her jump. What she took to be another statue turns out to be the Pearl, holding something in her arms and flanked by the Kindergarten gem. Beside them is another creature with no visible gem, similar in size to the Steven. Its expression seems uncertain; all three of them do, in fact, and as the Pearl approaches Peridot has the distinct impression that she is ready to drop the bundle and draw her sword at a moment's notice.

She looks down at her hands. No fingers, so she is still largely useless against an enemy. Not for the first time, it occurs that this is a serious design flaw.

"Peridot?" ventures the Pearl. "How are you feeling?"


	11. Under the empty sky

Peridot has never seen a Pearl up close before.

It--well, she--is much more graceful than she had imagined, her eyes more intelligent, her limbs more delicate and slender.

 _So_ _this is my progenitor,_ she thinks.

Her mind is still foggy and slow, and it must be taking her too long to answer because the Pearl adds, "You... said you didn't know how to regenerate your clothes, so we found some that might fit you."

Peridot looks down at her own exposed body. For some reason, the sight makes her uncomfortable in a way it never did before, as if what Ronaldo did to her has somehow laid bare ugly new layers of meaning. At least the bruises are gone.

She stands up, reflexively covering herself with her arms. A few rose petals from the water cling to her bare skin. The question that has been caught in her throat ever since she was rescued finally struggles to the fore.

"Why are you helping me?"

When the Pearl hesitates, the Amethyst steps in. Her eyes are hard.

"Don't think you're off the hook for trying to kill us," she says. "We're doing this for Steven."

"He's the one who realised where you were," adds the Pearl. "He... made us promise we'd at least try to talk to you, when we found you. And we couldn't just leave you there."

Peridot's mind slides back to the dark basement for a moment. Phantom pain shoots through her lower belly. She swallows hard, tries to push the thought away.

"So. How am I supposed to put those clothes on without my fingers?"

The Pearl helps her, in the end. It feels strange and uncomfortable having someone else so close. "We think your fingers are still at the lighthouse somewhere. Garnet's gone back to look," she says, as she buttons up the front of her shirt. "Meanwhile, we can help you with anything you need. It's... probably for the best, for now, anyway."

Peridot doesn't need to ask what she means. The presence of an armed escort confirms that she is still very much a prisoner, but at least she can see the sky, here. She didn't realise how much that meant until it was taken away.

"Where am I?"

The Pearl seems unexpectedly brightened by the question. "Oh! This is Rose Quartz's healing fountain. She built it during the-"

Peridot isn't interested in a history lesson. "Right. So what's that?" She asks, pointing to the short creature, which exchanges a look with the Amethyst.

"Uh, this is Sadie. She's a human," Pearl tells her.

Peridot wonders whether a Sadie is a specific type of human, or whether each creature on this planet has a separate name, rather than a simple designation of caste like Peridot or Pearl. It's hard to get her head around.

The Sadie--or maybe just Sadie?--steps forward uncertainly. Its body is more gem-like than the Steven's, but its skin is the same odd beige tone, and its hair is fluffy and yellow.

"Hi, Peridot," it says, giving a little wave of her hand. "Um, since the Gems don't really understand what happened to you, they thought it might be helpful for you to talk to someone who does. So... I'm here if you need me."

Peridot looks Sadie over. Somewhere inside the numbness, anger rears its head.

"Why would I want to talk to a human?" She replies coldly. "It was a human who hurt me in the first place."

Sadie seems to be keeping its expression carefully neutral. "Right. Sorry. I'll go. If you change your mind, the Gems know where to find me. Just..." The human pauses mid-turn. "It's not your fault, OK? Try to remember that."

_Shows how much you know,_ Peridot thinks bitterly as the creature is led away by the Amethyst. _I only have myself to blame._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9pqht2Ph04


	12. The curtains of the mind

Peridot is interrupted from her thoughts by a hand on her arm. It's feather-gentle, but she still jerks away.

"We need to go back," Pearl says. A small distance away, the other two have stopped to wait for them, and the Amethyst's hand is on the handle of her whip.

"Fine. I'll come. You don't need to touch me," Peridot spits. Head down, she follows Sadie and the Amethyst out to the warp pad, feeling Pearl's eyes on her all the way.

Her new clothes feel awkward and loose; the plaid shirt rests against her body in unfamiliar ways, and the trousers are ever-so-slightly too long. She remembers hearing somewhere that ancient Gems had much more control over their own forms, even to the point of shapeshifting. That would have been useful a few days ago.

_Don't think about it don't think about it_

She hugs herself unconsciously, and tries not to think at all.

 

_His body is heavy and slick with moisture, and when his hand slides between her legs, she quickly squashes the temptation to bite his lip again. That would not end well for her._

_"Relax. It's like you've never been touched this way before," he says petulantly, pulling away._

_"I haven't," breathes Peridot, although she is aware such things happen amongst Gems, on occasion. But that is a world away from here, and was never part of her life to begin with. Right now, she doesn't miss it._

_"Then I'm your first," Ronaldo says, with wonder. His fingers explore her. The touch is surprisingly gentle, but she can't help tensing up in expectation of pain. It seems to annoy him. "I said_ relax _."_

_"I'm trying. Please don't hurt me."_

_"I'm not going to hurt you," he says, but all the while his thick fingers are delving into her, and oh great Diamond please not again, hasn't she been good, hasn't she done everything he asked her to? Peridot squeezes her eyes shut and tries to convince herself that she is alone in this dark, that she is anywhere else but here._

 

"Peridot?"

Gradually, she realizes that she's crouched on the warp pad in the beach house. Time telescopes outward again, separating her once more from those long days in the basement.

"What's happening?" Pearl's voice. It's strangely comforting.

"I think she's having a flashback," Sadie says. "Peridot, can you hear me? You're with me in Steven's house, and you're safe. OK? Do you want a drink of water?"

"I don't need to drink," Peridot murmurs.

The silence in this room is like a dangling sword. She can tell without looking that everyone is staring at her, and the thought makes her feel as if she is being buried alive.

"Peridot, why don't you come outside for a second?" The human offers.

Hearing the word _outside_  reminds her of this planet's sky, its beautiful vastness. She goes to stand, but her legs are unsteady and Pearl catches her as she rises. "Sorry," the Gem says, reflexively, but Peridot shakes her head.

"It's fine. Let's go."

It's not until she's leaning on the railing outside beside Pearl and Sadie that she finally stops feeling so trapped. "There must be something wrong with my Gem," she said. "Nothing like that ever happened to me before."

"It's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation." Sadie leans beside her. "Don't beat yourself up about it. I've seen other people go through the same kind of stuff. It's hard, but... You're not alone, OK?"

Peridot swallows. "Does all that..." She can't say it. Tries again. "How often do humans do that to each other? Does it happen all the time?"

"Not all the time. But... sometimes," admits Sadie, sounding sad.

Peridot grits her teeth. She'd clench her fingers if she had them. "And you want to _save_ this planet, Pearl? After seeing what humans are capable of?"

"They..." Pearl glances at Sadie, who is trying to disguise how alarmed she looks. "It's true. Humans can do some terrible things. Things a gem wouldn't even dream of. But... they can also be kind, and generous, and..."

"Oh, _shut up_!" Peridot slams her stumps on the railing. "I don't want to hear this! If you guys want to stay on this crummy planet and get fucked by humans, that's your business!" At Pearl's shocked stare, she continued. "Because that's what he did, wasn't it? He took something that Gems do out of love and he used it to hurt me and he did it because he _enjoyed it_."

She's babbling now, but she doesn't care. Beside her, she hears Sadie's voice, uncertain and soft. "Peridot..."

"And you can shut your mouth too! Do you think I even want to look at you, you _parasite_? Why aren't you gone already?"

The human keeps her expression calm. "You're right. I'm sorry. I should have gone sooner. I'll see you later, Pearl," she adds as she leaves, shooting a glance at the other gem.

Peridot watches her go, Pearl silent at her side, and it takes all her will not to break away and take off running along the beach.

 


	13. Any consoling ritual

They sit in silence for a few moments, the sea wind blowing gently.

"I wish you could see--" Pearl starts, but then thinks better of it. "We should go back in," she suggests instead, then; "As long as you... I mean..."

"It's fine. Whatever." Peridot straightens up and walks in without needing any more prompting. The Steven and the other two Gems are there, conferring, and when the Steven sees her, its expression flickers through distress through to what she assumes is sympathy. It grabs something from the table and rushes up to her.

"Um, hi Peridot. The Gems said you were sick, so I got you ice cream and a blanket. You can use my bed if you want."

Peridot is tempted to just kick him aside, or at least yell, but she just doesn't have the energy right now. And there is something in the gesture that gives her pause, something that makes her want to just let Steven do whatever stupid Earth shit he wants to make her feel better because she's tired of making decisions for herself, tired of fighting, tired of everything. "Fine," she says, and three surprised pairs of eyes--plus one extra--watch her clomp heavily upstairs after him.

Steven eats the ice cream, in the end, but the blanket is draped around Peridot's shoulders in a way she assumes is supposed to be therapeutic. They sit together on cushions piled up at the end of his bed, Steven explaining the nuances of season 2 of Crying Breakfast Friends, Peridot failing to find any coherent narrative in the show outside of a near-constant stream of minor tragedies and crying. Pearl comes to join them soon after, and they sit in silence while the sky darkens. A little while after sunset, there is a rap on the door that makes Peridot jump.

It's another human, taller than Sadie but roughly the same colours, and on seeing her, Amethyst suddenly brightens up and bounds over from her space on the couch. Peridot watches them warily from the upper level. The human catches sight of her and waves.

"Hey. I found some more of my old clothes if you need 'em," it says. Peridot looks down at her shirt.

"These are yours?"

The human makes a dismissive gesture with her free hand. "They're yours now. It's just a painting shirt and my old maternity jeans. I brought you a belt in case they needed holding up." 

Peridot tugs experimentally at the stretchy waistband. They are, admittedly, a little looser than what she's used to. She drags herself to her feet and hesitantly comes down to join them, Pearl following.

The human moves to fasten the belt around Peridot's waist, but stops herself and holds it out to her instead. There is a moment of awkward silence, everyone glancing from each other to Peridot's fingerless hands. Eventually, Pearl takes the initiative. Her touch is gentle and deft, and as Peridot lifts her arms to allow Pearl to fumble with the archaic fastenings, Amethyst pipes up. 

"You want to stick around for a while, Vidalia?"

Pearl's eyes light up. "It's past Steven's bedtime, but I'll bring some tea out to the porch," she says. "Peridot, could you come help me?"

Peridot has no idea what tea actually is, or what use she'll be without her fingers, but she's smart enough to know that this is code for "I need to keep an eye on you," so she merely rolls her eyes and plays along with the pretense. As she follows Pearl into the kitchen, she hears Amethyst say, "Sorry. She really enjoys making tea," and Vidalia laughs.

Tea, it turns out, consists of hot water poured over some kind of sachet inside an open-topped container, and Peridot occupies herself with trying to figure out what it's for. As Pearl places the containers on a flat tray and carries them out, they catch the end of Amethyst and Vidalia's conversation.

"...always knew that kid was trouble," Vidalia is saying. "If he turns up round mine he'll be lucky not to catch a faceful of lead."

It only takes a moment for Peridot to connect the sentence with the momentary looks flashed in her direction.

"Ronaldo's still alive," she says, and her skin goes suddenly cold.


	14. Steep from the sunset

Silence falls like a thick curtain. The other gems and the human look at each other.

"His dad says he skipped town," Vidalia says, then, in what is possibly an attempt to reassure her; "Don't worry. He won't come back here if he knows what's good for him."

"But he's still alive," repeats Peridot. She had assumed the Crystal Gems killed him; to learn otherwise makes her feel at once betrayed and panicked. Could he be out there right now? Her eyes scan the dark beach, the shadows behind the rocks. And what about Steven's house? Did this structure have a back entrance? What if he managed to sneak in without anyone noticing? She feels her legs quivering, her vision narrowing. She wants to run.

"Peridot," Pearl is saying from somewhere far away. "It's OK. You're safe now. You're with us."

She forces herself to pay attention to where she is now, to the sound of the ocean and the rough weight of her clothes. It's surprisingly helpful, but as the world drifts back into phase with itself, she realises that her eyes are leaking tears, and the thought of breaking down in front of yet another human is humiliating.

"I need to get out of here," she says, through gritted teeth. "I just want to go home."

Her vision blurs and she turns away, going for the door. The handle is kind of hard to operate without digits and Peridot resists the urge to just smash it to bits. Pearl puts one light hand on her arm.

"Here," she says, but Vidalia interrupts them.

"Look, how about I go back and get my shotgun?" she says. "That way, if he _does_ come back here, we can install him a superflous asshole or two."

"Well, that's very sweet of you," replies Pearl, with a touch of laughter in her voice, "But I can assure you--"

"You have a weapon?" asks Peridot.

"Yeah, a 20-gauge Stoeger."

"And this weapon - it is capable of killing humans?"

"At close range, that thing'll kill pretty much anything." Vidalia glances sideways at Amethyst. "I feel safer just having it in the house."

"Then go get it," Peridot says, and for whatever reason, neither Amethyst nor Pearl seem inclined to argue.

They end up taking the night in shifts--Amethyst and Vidalia first, and then, when the human can't stay awake any longer, Pearl and Peridot come outside to relieve them. Pearl hefts the gun experimentally into a firing position, checking its weight and lining up her sights with something in the distance.

"You look like you know how to use that," Peridot comments, watching her. When Pearl replies, there is a warmth in her voice which is strangely endearing.

"It's been a while, but I remember." She looks over the weapon fondly. "When you get your fingers back I can show you how to use it, if you like."

"How does it work?"

"Oh, it's quite ingenious, really. The basic principle is the use of explosive pressure to launch a metal cartridge through a hollow barrel. The details vary between models, but it's surprisingly effective for such a rudimentary technology."

"Ha! You're telling me this species is still using physical projectiles?" Peridot snorts. "Losers."

"Be kind," replies Pearl, although she seems amused. "For organic beings, they're actually quite intelligent."

Peridot laughs skeptically. "What is your deal with the humans, anyway? Did they just decide to put you in charge, or what?"

"Well, no. They generally do their own thing. We tend not to interfere unless we need to."

"Then..." Peridot trails off, looking down at her new outfit. "...are they scared of you?"

"Probably. Humans are scared of all sorts of things," Pearl replies flippantly. Then; "Oh, but I don't think that's why Vidalia gave you her clothes, if that's what you're wondering. I'm pretty sure she's just being nice."

"I don't get it." The concept of 'just being nice' rests uneasily in Peridot's head. Nobody just _gave you things_ on Homeworld. You assisted others because it was your job, and if it wasn't your job, you stayed away. That's how it worked everywhere, wasn't it? The idea that a human could just decide to help another human of their own free will, without regard to their assigned role--it seemed so disorganized. And yet. "...You must really like this planet, to have stayed here so long."

Pearl looks wistful. The sea air teases her hair lightly, and against the darkness of the sky, her skin is as pale and clear as snow. Peridot watches her, unsure of why her chest suddenly chose that moment to tighten.

"Well," the older Gem says, "That wasn't entirely our choice. But... you're right. I do."

And oddly, despite herself, Peridot is starting to see why.


	15. After all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the recent lack of action; big developments are coming, I promise.
> 
> In the meanwhile, I am hugely grateful for your kudos and comments - my heart soars when I see something in my inbox here! If you want to catch me on tumblr, my nsfw side account is depraved-trash. I'm always looking for more SU blogs to follow!

The next few months are strange.

While in theory the Crystal Gems have agreed to take turns guarding her, neither the Amethyst nor the fusion appear to relish the idea, and, much like the amended chore chart on Steven's refrigeration unit, the task ends up being Pearl's responsibility alone.

Surprisingly, Pearl doesn't seem to mind this. Their mutual respect for organization and structure becomes apparent early on, and it's not long before Pearl is vocally looking forward to the day Peridot is considered safe enough to have her fingers back so she can finally assist in the ongoing effort to keep Steven's house from descending into chaos. Not forgetting, Pearl adds, the myriad of broken Gem technologies around the planet that could _really_ do with a technician's touch.

Peridot knows deep down that she should be formulating an escape plan; that she still, in any event, has a job to do on this planet, and just because the Crystal Gems are being nice to her does not mean she suddenly owes them her loyalty. Yet Steven's constant efforts to make her feel cared for and welcome, as well as Pearl's obvious growing fondness for her, are disarming to the point that Peridot soon finds herself making excuses for her inaction.

Without her fingers, she's effectively useless, after all. And while she could simply force herself to retreat into her gem and regenerate them, she has no guarantee that the Crystal Gems would not track her down and put her in a worse position than she was before. So as the other Gems finally come to trust her a little, and the rare opportunities to run away or stab them in the back begin to pile up, Peridot allows herself to ignore them. Back on Homeworld, loyalty to the state was taken for granted, and dissidents were punished severely; here, Pearl and Steven go out of their way to try and persuade her that Earth was worth saving.

For the first time in her life, it seems, someone actually cares about her opinion.

The pain is still there, of course. To Greg's consternation, the shotgun becomes a semi-permanent fixture in the house, prompting a very important lesson on gun handling from Vidalia and a long lecture on the importance of _never, ever, ever, ever, ever touching that thing_ from Pearl to Steven. Nights are unbearable unless Peridot is allowed to perform a perimeter check, usually accompanied by a patient Pearl. The first time Peridot attempts to sleep, she wakes in a fog of terror, and spends the rest of the night crying in Pearl's arms. She doesn't try this again for a while.

She notices, as well, that there have been wider repercussions to what happened. The first time Steven and Pearl take her out into the wider settlement, she hears Ronaldo's name a couple of times, and while many of the local humans treat her with varying degrees of awkward kindness, there are one or two who give her a wide berth with contempt in their eyes. Peridot doesn't know what this means until one of the smaller humans--whose features and colouring are dangerously familiar--admits to Steven that he's not allowed to talk to him any more.

Peridot watches Steven's face redden as the child walks away, both puzzled and fascinated by this interaction. "What happened?" she asks, glancing up at Pearl, but all she sees there is sadness. Steven rubs one eye with the heel of his hand, and Peridot realizes he's crying.

"It's OK," Pearl murmurs, kneeling down to put her arms around him, but Steven wriggles out of her grip.

"It's not OK!" he cries. "Ever since Peridot came back, _nothing's_ been OK! I wish mom had never come to this planet!"

He storms toward the beach, leaving two stunned Gems on the boardwalk behind him.

"He doesn't blame you, you know-" Pearl begins, but Peridot cuts her off.

"He's angry. I know what that's like," she says, surprising herself. "Why don't we get him some of those... solid torus things he likes to eat?"

"You mean doughnuts?"

"Yeah, dough knots, whatever."

Thankfully, Sadie is able to interpret their vague request for "a reasonable quantity of the best dough knots" without much trouble. When they finally locate Steven--sitting on a rock some distance along the shore--the sky has only just begun to turn pink.

"I'm sorry, Peridot," is the first thing he says. "It's not your fault."

Peridot slumps down on the sand beside him. "It's fine," she says. "Pearl and I bought you something to make you feel better."

Pearl hands him the bag. To Peridot's surprise, the next thing she hears is Steven crying again. She clambers to her feet. "What? Is something wrong with the food? Is there not enough? I told Pearl I didn't think that was enough--"

Steven hugs her.

Peridot freezes. It's not that the hug brings back unpleasant memories, but rather that she has no idea how to react to this. It is different from the way in which Pearl has comforted her in the past, and she cannot tell whether Steven is seeking reassurance or attempting to offer it. She settles for awkwardly tapping the top of his head with one of her stumps.

"When we first saw you," he snivels into her waist, "I just wanted to show you how great Earth was. But all you've seen is how--horrible--"

Peridot doesn't need to let him finish. "Yeah, well, Homeworld can be pretty horrible too," she admits. "Earth's not that bad. Once you get over being stuck here, I mean."

"You're not mad?"

"At this cruddy planet? Nah," she says, and it almost feels like she's telling the truth.


	16. From this pain worse pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, without wishing to spoiler anybody, there have been developments in SU which make this fic even more canon-divergent, hence the delay in updating. I have decided that I'll be continuing this story according to my previous assumptions for now, but I may write a revised version once it's done, to bring it in line with canon. Meanwhile, thank you all so much for your comments and kudos - they mean a lot to me and are a great motivator for continuing :)

Garnet still doesn't like her.

Peridot is not surprised by this, having her own particular feelings about permanent fusions, but Pearl seems to think the two will reconcile eventually.

"She was... a little upset about the cluster experiments," she explains, after Steven has gone to bed and the two of them have taken up their usual place on the porch. "I'm sure she'll come around, in time."

"I'm surprised you guys managed to sort the whole thing out on your own," murmurs Peridot. She remembers the circumstances that led her to reveal the information in the first place, and quickly tries not to think about it. "I just don't understand her attitude. Back on homeworld, Fusion is a military tactic. Nothing more."

"It was so much more than that, once." Pearl looks up at the sky, full of stars this clear night. "For us, fusion is an expression of ultimate trust; a willingness to open yourself up to another Gem and create a new consciousness between you. I... suppose you could say it's the closest thing we have to creating offspring, outside of the Kindergartens."

Peridot looks over at her. Pearl's eyes have gone misty, and Peridot's incomprehension must be showing because Pearl adds, quietly, "You've... never fused, have you?"

"I don't think I can." Peridot indicates her stumps. "These things are fixed in place. Besides, I can't dance."

"Have you ever tried?"

She looks at the sea. "We're not encouraged."

Pearl seems to think about it for a second. Then she extends a hand to her, lithe and pale in the moonlight. "Then how do you know?"

She's seen Pearl dance, of course--and yes, maybe she has occasionally allowed her eyes to linger, her thoughts to wander to the Gem's impossible lightness and grace, but never once has Peridot allowed herself to imagine that she is dancing with her, and as Pearl leads her down onto the beach, it seems for a moment as if she is dreaming. Not the kind of dream from which she wakes in terror, but the kind of dream where Pearl is in her arms, and it feels once more as if she is home.

Before she even realises what is happening, Pearl's hand is on her waist, her other clasped at Peridot's elbow, perhaps in lieu of a hand to hold. "Just follow my lead for now," she says. Is it Peridot's imagination, or is there some falter in Pearl's voice that makes Peridot think the other gem is as nervous as she is? But she is moving now, and Peridot lets Pearl guide her, in gentle patient circles that feel as if they should leave no trace on the sand, because for the first time in Peridot's life she knows what it means to be made of pure light.

If this is supposed to be a lesson, it is failing miserably, because Peridot is taking in nothing but Pearl's hand on her waist, the closeness of her, the reflection of the moonlight in her eyes. Suddenly she is being swept, dipped low, and Pearl's face is close to hers, and without even thinking about it Peridot kisses her.

For two wonderful seconds, Pearl's arms wrap around her in response. There is a strange, unsteady feeling in her gem that makes Peridot feel like her form is destabilizing - and then, abruptly, Pearl drops her.

"I--I'm sorry," Peridot manages, and Pearl falls to her knees as Peridot lifts herself up on her elbows. But the other Gem isn't looking into her eyes any more, and to Peridot's confusion, she reaches a hand out to touch her stomach.

"Pearl, I'm so sorry," Peridot says again, but it is almost like Pearl has not heard her.

"Has this--has your belt gotten--smaller?" she says. There is a fear in those words that Peridot does not understand. She looks down, noticing for the first time that the waistband of her trousers is far more snug than when Vidalia first gave them to her. As Pearl lifts up her shirt, Peridot observes that her stomach has indeed become slightly--but perceptibly--swollen. The sight is confusing.

"I think I've gotten bigger," she replies, perplexed. "Why? What does that mean? Pearl? Pearl, what's going on?"


	17. As free of the wide sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it looks like my theories were wrong about Peridot's limbs. I might go back and rewrite this at some point to be closer in line with canon, but for now, I will work on the assumptions already made in this fic.

They can't watch her forever.

Peridot spends the next few days sitting in view of the temple door, waiting. In between the long hours of silent awkwardness, there are intermittent visitors, hushed discussions. After the initial explanation, Peridot refuses to contribute, only pulls the blanket around her traitorous stomach and looks away.

"As far as I know, what happened with Rose was... entirely intentional," Greg explains, as Garnet and Amethyst listen solemnly and Pearl wipes tears from her face.

"Are you suggesting she did this herself?" she hisses, voice breaking.

The Pearl has been crying almost constantly since that moment on the beach. It makes Peridot uncomfortable, and she resists the other gem's attempts to engage her, shrugging her off when a slender arm is woven tentatively around her shoulders, pulling her head away when those feather-light fingers reach for her face.

_"Stop crying. It's ugly." His fingers, thick and smothering, smearing away tears._

_"I'm sorry. It's hurting." His weight pins her against the mattress._

_"You're lying. You won't make me feel sorry for you. I know all about women; don't think you can fool me."_

_"I'm not a woman." Her thighs strained and aching, bruised from the pressure of his hands. "I don't even know what that means. Please."_

_"Peridot."_

"Peridot?"

Peridot keeps staring at the door to the temple, but the sound of Pearl's voice brings her back to the present. "She won't answer you," Garnet mutters, and Peridot turns to them just to spite her.

"What?"

Pearl's expression is heartbroken. "You don't... I mean... do you feel anything different? In your Gem? Anything at all that could help us?"

She shakes her head and looks back to the door.

They can't watch her forever.

"I think we need to talk to Doctor Maheswaran," the human says. "It really does sound like you've run out of other options."

Pearl speaks through tears. "Maybe we really do need a human solution to this."

_“That wasn't so bad, was it?”_

"Get Steven to call his friend. Connie can bring her here." The fusion.

The the runt speaks. "Uh, I don't think we want Steven any more involved in this than he already is."

"He knows what's happened, Amethyst," Garnet tells him flatly. "He's not an idiot."

"Kids... pick up these things," confirms Greg quietly.

_"I just wanted to show you how great Earth was. But all you've seen is how--horrible--"_

She screws her eyes shut, and almost misses her chance. Garnet stands up.

"I'll be in the burning room. Let me know when Connie is here."

Peridot pushes the blanket aside and stands up. Somewhere far away, she hears Pearl say, "Peridot..." But as the doors slide open she's already halfway there, quicker on her unsteady legs than she has been in months.

_"You don't struggle. You do what I say. Okay?"_

Can't watch her forever.

The fire is within her sight now, and even Garnet is too slow to catch her as she slips past through her doors, fast as the click of a fuse.

"Peridot!" Pearl screams, and she hears the crack of a whip reaching to pull her back, but her limbs have already made contact with the burning embers, and through the agony and and the screaming, she hears someone yell.

"Stop her! _Stop her!_ Don't let her gem touch the-"

And then a dark, searing, purifying flash of pain.

And then nothing.


	18. Brought to birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time. Sorry. More coming soon!

The dream is different, this time. It has edges, and directions, and Peridot has a sense of being on a level surface, though as before, it is hard to organize her thoughts. After some distorted and indistinct amount of time she understands that her suicide attempt has failed - that she is alive in her gem and actively regenerating.

Could she stay here, perhaps? Avoid the pain of living by refusing to emerge from her half-sleep? The thought emerges and disappears in a blink as she realizes that the sense of shame and weight that has dogged the last few months has followed her even into this dream. She fights back a spike of pain. No - better to be anywhere else at all than alone in here with the memories.

Yet even as she thinks this, Peridot knows she is not alone. The feeling comes like an itch, a sense of someone standing nearby unseen. She tries to drag her thought-form to its feet, as if to look in the face of this strange being, and its light blinds her.

 _You are weak_ , it says.

"Who are you?" she mouths, but there is no sound in this world. And yet the response comes anyway.

_You are weak, and stupid. You let him hurt you._

The light before her is still agonizingly bright. Peridot notices that she has no arms to shield her eyes with, and it occurs that she might not have eyes either. She grits her teeth, or the memory of her teeth, and focuses her awareness on its centre.

 _You are weak. You are dying. You will not take this planet. But I am strong,_ the being tells her. _I can finish what you started._

"I don't understand," Peridot mouths into silence.

Abruptly, she realizes that the light has form - that there is a humanoid body before her, tall, with a green gem in its forehead, and for a second Peridot thinks she is looking at herself. Then features start to emerge.

It is gem-shaped, like the females of this world. It has his skin, and his hair - but _her_ eyes.

Something rushes through her, gripping her from within, something that Peridot cannot even come close to describing. A human might have said they were in the Presence. Peridot, who had no such frame of reference to fall back on, thought only of the exultant second she had Ronaldo's lip between her teeth and was about to bite, the deafening thrill of vengeance and freedom and hope.

And in that moment of transcendent fear and love she realizes that she is looking upon the face of her child.


	19. To die a little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the tags. This gets grim.

Time is meaningless here, so Peridot can't tell how long it takes for her to re-emerge. Later on, someone will mention she was in there for over a month, but like everything else, it doesn't seem to matter much.

She feels different when she comes out - her head lighter, her clothes less tight-fitting (at least she won't need to borrow Vidalia's any more). As her feet lower to the floorboards, Steven skids out of the kitchen and does a double-take.

"Peridot! You look... different," he says. Both of them glance downward suddenly. The boy's shoulders drop a little. "What did you do to, uh, to your hair?" he says, although his eyes are still on the gentle swell of her abdomen. Peridot lifts a hand to her head.

"I don't know," she mutters, feeling around. It definitely sticks out less; some even seems to hang down around her neck a little. Her clothing is simultaneously looser and more covering. Peridot decides she prefers it this way.

The front door slams open, and Pearl is there, desperation in her eyes. "Peridot!" she cries. For one horrible and drawn-out moment, Peridot feels the urge to run into her arms, and she wonders if the other gem is thinking the same thing, because her body twitches once in her direction, like an animal preparing to bolt - but then both seem to decide against it, and Peridot turns from her before she can catch the look on Pearl's face when she realizes the child is still alive.

Perhaps it's better this way.

 

It might hurt, Dr Maheswaran explains.  _Anesthetics need... organic matter to work. And the only organic matter in your body is here._ She indicates the image on the screen, one formless blob inside another. Only her gem is clearly defined, sharp-edged and dark. Peridot wonders numbly if this is some primitive form of nuclear resonance imaging. Whatever the case, the human doctor seems no less confused than she was before the scan.

_Honestly, I've... never seen anything like it._ Peridot wonders who Priyanka is talking to. She hasn't said a word. There's nobody else in here. Pearl and Garnet are outside, in the corridor. Amethyst is... somewhere. Who even cares? How did she even get here? Her memories feel indistinct, hard to access. Even Dr Maheswaran sounds like she's talking from far, far away.

Peridot wants the child gone. That much alone is sure. Everything else just feels like a dream.

Perhaps it's better this way.

_Well, you don't seem to have organs, and the, uh- the fetus... it's really more of a... vague area._ The woman's hands are shaking as she pulls on the gloves. _So first I'm going to perform what's called an... an aspiration biopsy._ She's holding a long, sharp needle, and Peridot seems to have forgotten how to be afraid. Only when the point breaks the skin does she finally feel something. Hot, then sharp, then sharp and deep, and it's the only real thing in the whole world and it is hellish.

The procedure is far worse. The pain blossoms out and becomes her entire existence. And it doesn't stop.

_It keeps... it's growing back somehow,_ she hears someone say. She can no longer remember her name or why she's here and the doctor's mask is damp with tears.  _I'm sorry. I can't- I have to use the scalpel._

Mercifully, her body gives out not long after that, and when Peridot re-emerges a few days later, neither she nor Dr Maheswaran are keen to try again.


	20. Since death is camped among us

"I don't understand it," says Pearl, as they gather around the coffee table later, and Peridot thinks, _neither do I._

That fuzziness, the strange dreamlike clouding of experience that she felt while inside her gem, seems to have followed her back into reality once more. Even as Pearl continues talking, the voice of Peridot's daughter echoes inside her, sharper and more real than anything else on this disgusting planet.

_Soon. I'll be ready soon._

"Rose had to actively try to create Steven. And she was an expert - she'd done experiments, created servants out of plant matter..." Pearl's thin, nervous fingers trace aimlessly over the grain of the table. "All I can think is that there's something we've missed."

"What about the fountain?" Amethyst seems bored, or maybe just subdued. Period isn't invested enough in the situation to tell the difference.

_My poor, weak, stupid mother. You are so tired. I know. I understand._

"We've used the fountain on both humans and gems before, and it's never ended up like this." Pearl keeps trying to catch Peridot's eye. Peridot ignores her; Pearl looks down and carries on. "Although, granted, this situation is... a little different."

Greg speaks up then, which is annoying. Peridot has been trying to pretend he isn't there.

"So... this might be, uh, too much information, but when Rose and I were, uh, trying to... create Steven-" The back of his neck is red. Great Diamond, but humans are disgusting. "-we had to try a lot. Like... really, a lot."

Pearl suppresses a sound that might have been "ugh". Greg shoots her a look, but continues.

"My point is that she... seemed to know as soon as it happened. Just a feeling, she said. Like... love. A feeling of love."

Sceptical eyes turn to Peridot, who doesn't need to say anything. Inside her the voice, as soothing as sleep after pain.

_I understand. I can become your legacy. I can make sure the humans get what they deserve. All I need is time_.

"I hardly think the answer would lie in something so... vague," says Dr Maheswaran, who has been all but silent up until now. She taps the notebook in front of her with a pen.

"From what I understand of gem physiology - which... isn't much, I'll warn you - your bodies are generated according to information stored inside your gems. Since the, uh, pregnancy has continued through two successive..." She grasps around for the right word for a moment, "... resurrections, it stands to reason that whatever is going on is encoded in her gem."

"Then... if the fountain didn't work... that's not something we have the technology to deal with." A silence. Then; "Garnet?" This from Pearl. Her voice is cracking a little, again. Peridot has grown to hate that sound, insofar as she feels capable of hate. Of anything. "Can you... I mean... does your future vision..."

"I don't know." The fusion's voice, smooth and low as ever. "The future is... indistinct. There's too many variables. I'm sorry."

Pearl is starting to sound desperate. "At least tell us if you can see a future where she survives."

"I'm sorry," says Garnet again. Pearl gets up and walks out quickly. Her face is turned away from them. If the hand to her mouth is stifling a sob, it is drowned out by the voice inside Peridot's mind, the memory of that beautiful and terrifying light.

_Not long now. Not long now, mother, and you can rest. And I will bear your vengeance into life._


End file.
